Have you tried and tried to work on your marriage without results? Are you scared that you might lose your marriage? Do you want to save your marriage?
At StrongMarriageNow, we are dedicated to not only saving marriages but making them the marriage of your dreams. We believe that being happily married is a learned skill and our site, emails and Systems are designed to teach Marriage Success Skills to save marriage
and get them back on track.
There are six major skills that couples need to learn in order to have a strong and healthy marriage. These are:
* Spending Time Together
* Understanding Each Other
* Resolving Conflict
* Agreeing on Money Issues
* Fairly Dividing Responsibilities
* Having a Satisfying and Healthy Sex Life
Couples that are strong in these areas have a really good shot at having a long-term happy save marriage
. If you feel like your marriage could use some work in one or more of these areas, check out our StrongMarriageNow System
You wake up one day and your relationship is shattered. Most of the passion that existed between the two of you is gone, and your mate says “I’m not in love with you anymore,” or “I don’t feel the same way about you.” Maybe you’ve recently separated, are in the mists of a divorce, or are in a relationship crisis. This article describes how to reconnect with your partner, end the frustration and hurt of rejection, and the fear of losing your relationship, without asking your partner for one thing!
Understand how this came to be. Even though it seems that the crisis appears suddenly, in many cases it does not. A relationship crisis usually builds slowly over time with one person caught completely off guard, and the other claiming that they are tired of trying and trying with no change. Many people are baffled when they find themselves in the midst of a relationship crisis, wondering what went wrong!
Be wary of feeling like the victim and more attuned to changing your perception. More often than not this causes the person on the receiving end to feel victimized, and they conclude that their partner is to blame. Nothing in your relationship or your life will change until you are willing to change from the inside out!
Banish the following niggling thoughts:
* But, what about my husbands infidelity? That’s what caused our marriage or relationship crisis!
* But, what about the way my partner tries to control everything I do?
* But, what about the fact that my partner works so much and is never home?
* But, what about the fact that my partner never spends any time with me?
* But, what about my partners sarcasm, criticism and belittling demeanor?
* But, what about the way my partner argues and fights with me?
* But, my husband doesn’t listen to me!
Avoid blaming. Is your partner wrong for doing any of the things in the banish thoughts list? Unequivocally yes, but placing all the blame on your partner isn’t going to get that person to change their behavior. In fact, it will only destroy your relationship focusing on the blame and fault-worthiness.
Accept that none of the worries and distress will change until you do. There is an underlying reason for your partner’s behavior, and some of that may in fact rest with him or her. However, you won’t get your partner to change by telling them to do so, or by finding fault with what they do. What if someone said to you right now: “You are completely to blame for your relationship crisis and you need to change.” Did this person make you angry? Do you resent this person for what they said? Oh yes, we can all see the steam coming out of your ears! What makes you think for one minute that you’ll get a different reaction out of your partner? Well, you won’t!
Understand that people resist change when they are being forced or manipulated to do so, but watch them change in a big hurry when it’s their idea! It’s all about change isn’t it? If you could only get your partner to spend more time with you, work less often, be more understanding, more romantic, less sarcastic, less critical, less verbally abusive, less controlling, or completely monogamous then you would have the perfect relationship! The question is how do you get someone to change who feels that they haven’t done anything wrong, or that their behavior is justified? You change the only side of the equation that you can. Yours! Ok, you’re probably saying: “Why should I change when it’s his or her fault, or how is changing my side of the equation going to make him or her change their behavior?” Well, there is no 100% guarantee that it will, but most of the time, changing your perception and not blaming will change both of you for the better.
Ponder this question long and hard: If you don’t change from the inside out what will be different in your relationship or marriage?
How do I Know If My Marriage Can Be Saved?
Is My Marriage Over If My Spouse Cheated?
A marriage can not only be saved after an affair but it can actually get a lot better with some work. I mean I don’t want to minimize how painful the betrayal and loss of trust caused by an affair can be. And it happens to a lot of marriages, in fact 50% of marriages are impacted by some sort of infidelity at some point in the marriage
How Do We Get Over an Affair?
If the couple decides to stay together and work on it, finding out why their relationship was vulnerable in the first place and then fixing it can actually lead to a stronger, happier marriage. If you find you’re in this situation and you’re not sure what to do, we recommend following six steps to save your marriage.
We know from your questions that some of you are in this situation so we want to go over these steps with you.
1. First, you need to understand that it’s about meeting each other’s emotional needs. Research shows that 95% of affairs are caused by one or both parties feeling as if they are not understood, appreciated and/or loved. It’s not actually about the sex. It’s about feeling connected, wanted and meeting core emotional needs. One or both members of the couple need to stop getting these needs met outside the marriage and instead rely on each other to meet them.
2. Secondly, of course you have to stop the infidelity in order to move forward with the marriage. The partner that had the indiscretion must stop having anything to do with the person that they’re seeing outside the marriage. The type of contact that must stop includes face-to-face meetings, email, phone, Facebook, chat or anything else. You can only move forward in the marriage if the affair is totally in the past and stays there.
3. Thirdly, Both members of the couple must accept some responsibility. This is a hard one for people, guys. But, both members of the couple must recognize that they are both responsible for the state of their marriage. When the marriage has significant issues, it is vulnerable to an affair. Hey, pay attention, those of you who have not been impacted by an affair yet. Let me repeat, any marriage that has significant problems is vulnerable to an affair. Accepting some of the responsibility is typically extremely difficult for the injured party to understand but is essential in order to move forward. One of you may have stepped over the line but because both of you were not connecting and meeting each other’s needs, the marriage was vulnerable.
4. Fourth, give the injured party time to heal. The injured party will need time to recover from the hurt and lack of trust that the infidelity caused and the partner that engaged in the affair needs to be generous with the time it takes to recover. Trust must be earned back.
5. Fifth, understand that your marriage will never be the same. But that’s a good thing because the state of the marriage caused this situation that led to the infidelity. You need to work together to create a new and better marriage and future. Like I said before, there are many marriages that end up much stronger after an affair because the couple knows how incredibly important it is to stay connected, supporting each other and strong together.
6. And finally, learn relationship skills to build a new strong marriage. Being in a successful marriage is a learned skill that many of us never learned from the role models around us. I know I never got it from my parents. The good news is that the skills that make a strong relationship can be learned and that’s exactly what we dedicate ourselves to at StrongMarriageNow.com.
Bottom line, if you’re in this situation, you have to ask, can both of you commit to these steps? If so, there is hope to save your marriage. And again guys, if you have kids, I hope that you can both find it in your hearts to do the work.