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Marriage Counseling
Wednesday, 2 March 2011
Couples Therapy

Growing up we learn to relate to friends, family members and colleagues but rarely do we nowadays have suitable role models to learn 'healthy intimate relating' from. In couples therapy partners can learn what makes a relationship satisfying and where they can enhance theirs.

Feeling at ease with your therapist

It is important that you as a couple feel comfortable with your therapist, be it a woman, a man or a 'therapy couple'. Give your therapist a few sessions to feel whether there is a good fit between you, your partner and the way the therapist works with you.

What to expect

In couples therapy counsellors, coaches and therapists traditionally follow different theories. What you can expect is that your therapist will ask about your relationship history to understand how you came together as a couple and what your challenges have been along the way. They will also take your personal history including some details about your family of origin to see whether there are patterns in your family history that are repeating themselves.

Individual sessions - couples session

Personally I have found that a mixture of couples and individual sessions works best. In all couples issues there are potentially hidden personal challenges that are triggered by the partner. These personal issues come up as an invitation to be dealt with and it sometimes is better for the individual to work through them in their own time and space.

In couples session I have found that couples learn to better listen to their partner when they are asked to listen first and then speak, rather than to react immediately. This structure often helps them to be able to fully express themselves within the safe environment of the therapy and on the other side to actively listen with patience and keep reactivity low.

Use your therapist wisely

As a couples therapist I suggest to my clients that they want to use my time wisely. They do not need to come into therapy to pay me to watch them have the same fights as they have at home. This time is better used to think about the underlying reasons and mechanism that lead to the fighting. Refer to my other article 'Couples Therapy - It Can Save Your Relationship!' for more information.

Ask for professional help

If you have been wondering if couples therapy is for you then give it a try. When emotions run high reactivity is almost unavoidable. Sometimes all your efforts might not be enough to change the patterns you and your partner have gotten yourself into. If you have not yet found the courage to ask for help it is time to do it now.


Posted by lawrence975 at 7:02 PM EST
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Relationship Counseling - Is It Effective?
So why do people find it so difficult to stay in love? In his book, Your Love and Marriage, Dr. Willard Harley Jr. says that when couples first get married, they work extra hard at fulfilling their partner's emotional needs. However, problems arise once someone decides they no longer care about their partner's emotional needs. Once this occurs, a marriage can quickly become miserable.

Regarding marriage counseling, Dr. Willard also says it has the worst success rate of any form of counseling. Willard refers to a study that only 25% of those seeking marriage counseling experience any success. In some situations, marriage and relationship counseling can benefit a relationship. A counselor can offer suggestions on resuscitating a near dead relationship or help you to realize that you may not be meeting your partner's emotional needs.

Relationship counseling probably doesn't experience much success because many couples seek help after it's too late. For instance, consider the average smoker who doesn't quit smoking until after they are diagnosed with lung cancer. Although they quit, they didn't throw out their last cigarette until after their body had already suffered irreversible damage.

Relationship counseling cannot fix a dead relationship. Unfortunately, some relationships cannot be saved. If one or both partners have mentally abandoned the marriage, it's beyond repair. The exception is any couple with a sincere interest in preserving their relationship. If you choose to remain married, prepare to put in the necessary time and effort to maintain your relationship. Think of counseling as a spark that can potentially reignite a smoldering cinder into a roaring flame.

Posted by lawrence975 at 4:56 PM EST
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Marriage Guidance For Saving Your Marriage After Cheating
Are you looking for fantastic marriage advice for saving your marriage following cheating? Then you've undoubtedly come to the proper place. Put these suggestions to work for your marriage proper away and see what an amazing difference they can make for your marriage today and in the future. You won't be disappointed.

But, make certain you read every line and then click the link at the bottom in order to get the full picture about what you require to do to make your marriage work for the lengthy haul.

Here's what you want to do to get started. Of course, marriage advice for saving your marriage after cheating is only great if its put to use so get busy making this great guidance work for your marriage these days.



Apologize for cheating. But, don't let your apology end there. Make sure you mention the reality that your actions have caused pain to the individual you really like most in the world and that you'll by no means totally forgive your self for that. Apologize for the humiliation your cheating caused. Then apologize for the other things you do that you know drive a wedge in your marriage. Don't provide excuses or justifications. Just provide a sincere apology and leave the choice to accept the apology and/or offer forgiveness in your spouse's hands.


Discover to ask for the things you require from your spouse. This is important and so couple of people manage to discover this. Instead of asking for what is required you anticipate your spouse just to give it to you. When you aren't obtaining what you require you really feel resentful about it. That resentment builds and builds over time and then you're angry without even truly understanding why. When you discover to ask for what you require, the odds are excellent that you'll get it. They are infinitely better than the odds are for getting it when your spouse doesn't even have a clue that you require it.


Be the greatest husband or wife you can possibly be until you're told, with out a doubt, to stop. Practice becoming a far better husband or wife and you'll see excellent improvement in the status of your marriage. You may even feel a sudden thaw in the air. You already know the little things you can do that will make your spouse happy. You don't need to spend a lot of cash in order to get main results. It's little touches that mean the world to your spouse. Get busy practicing them and see what type of impact they'll have on your marriage.


Posted by lawrence975 at 2:28 AM EST
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Tuesday, 1 March 2011
Stop Your Divorce by Confronting Marriage Relationship Problems

Confrontation is one of the only techniques to stop your divorce by. You ought to confront your marriage relationship problems head-on. You need to face these issues and address them, together. It takes both sides communicating feelings and suggestions in order to discover the greatest route for solving these issues.

Whenever issues are left unresolved, they are like picking up a thorn in the yard that doesn't get pulled out. Each and every now and then they're going to hurt once more, and get buried a little deeper, until the issue is more painful, and harder to fix. They ought to always be addressed instantly.

And don't let having marriage relationship problems lead you to think that your marriage is just wrong, or too late to save. You can stop your divorce by recognizing that marriage has no set rules for anybody, but only deep adore, accurate forgiveness, and a commitment to the marriage are going to save it.

By taking a calm look, alone as nicely as together, and talking about the issues that make it hard, you can discover methods to ease your partner's pain, and make it much better for them. This is some thing that marriage partners sometimes forget, and that is to prefer the other's happiness over your own. It's a hard idea, but it truly works for your own happiness much more than it sounds like it will.

Be strong. Quit your divorce by taking charge, and by confronting your marriage relationship problems. Take the bull by the horns, and don't give in, but take the required steps to hold your marriage together. It will grow stronger from every expertise that involved you fighting for it.


Posted by lawrence975 at 7:00 PM EST
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Monday, 28 February 2011
Marriage Problems

Are you having problems in your marriage?  Are you looking for advice on what to do?  Are you considering marriage counseling?  Would you like help for your marriage?

At StrongMarriageNow we dedicate ourselves to helping couples learn Marriage Success Skills to solve the problems in their marriage and have the loving, passionate marriages they want.

Check out our library of marriage articles on our blog

We’ve got lots of helpful tips:

Have you been impacted by infidelity or an affair?

Do you want to improve your communication?

What can you learn from celebrity relationships?

Are you alone in this?  What are the statics of marriage problems?

The divorce rate is ——

How do you know when to divorce?

Tips to Solve Marriage Problems

Rewrite

A lot of Marriage Problems can be solved by focusing on spending postiive time together:

  1. 1

Seek help early. The average couple waits six years before seeking help for marital problems (and keep in mind, half of all marriages that end do so in the first seven years). This means the average couple lives with unhappiness for far too long.

  1. 2

Edit yourself. Couples who avoid saying every critical thought when discussing touchy topics are consistently the happiest.

  1. 3

Soften your “start up.” Arguments first “start up” because a spouse sometimes escalates the conflict from the get-go by making a critical or contemptuous remark in a confrontational tone. Bring up problems gently and without blame.

  1. 4

Accept influence. A marriage succeeds to the extent that the husband can accept influence from his wife. If a woman says, “Do you have to work Thursday night? My mother is coming that weekend, and I need your help getting ready,” and her husband replies, “My plans are set, and I’m not changing them”. This guy is in a shaky marriage. A husband’s ability to be influenced by his wife (rather than vice-versa) is crucial because research shows women are already well practiced at accepting influence from men, and a true partnership only occurs when a husband can do so as well.

  1. 5

Have high standards. Happy couples have high standards for each other even as newlyweds. The most successful couples are those who, even as newlyweds, refused to accept hurtful behavior from one another. The lower the level of tolerance for bad behavior in the beginning of a relationship, the happier the couple is down the road.

  1. 6

Learn to repair and exit the argument. Successful couples know how to exit an argument. Happy couples know how to repair the situation before an argument gets completely out of control. Successful repair attempts include: changing the topic to something completely unrelated; using humor; stroking your partner with a caring remark (“I understand that this is hard for you”); making it clear you’re on common ground (“This is our problem”); backing down (in marriage, as in the martial art Aikido, you have to yield to win); and, in general, offering signs of appreciation for your partner and his or her feelings along the way (“I really appreciate and want to thank you for.…”). If an argument gets too heated, take a 20-minute break, and agree to approach the topic again when you are both calm.

  1. 7

Focus on the bright side. In a happy marriage, while discussing problems, couples make at least five times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship as negative ones. For example, “We laugh a lot;” not, “We never have any fun”. A good marriage must have a rich climate of positivity. Make deposits to your emotional bank account.

 


Posted by lawrence975 at 8:47 PM EST
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Sunday, 27 February 2011
Want to Save Your Marriage But Aren’t Sure What To Do?
Have you tried and tried to work on your marriage without results?  Are you scared that you might lose your marriage?  Do you want to save your marriage?

At StrongMarriageNow, we are dedicated to not only saving marriages but making them the marriage of your dreams.  We believe that being happily married is a learned skill and our site, emails and Systems are designed to teach Marriage Success Skills to save marriage and get them back on track.

There are six major skills that couples need to learn in order to have a strong and healthy marriage.  These are:

    * Spending Time Together
    * Understanding Each Other
    * Resolving Conflict
    * Agreeing on Money Issues
    * Fairly Dividing Responsibilities
    * Having a Satisfying and Healthy Sex Life

Couples that are strong in these areas have a really good shot at having a long-term happy save marriage.  If you feel like your marriage could use some work in one or more of these areas, check out our StrongMarriageNow System

Rewrite this:

You wake up one day and your relationship is shattered. Most of the passion that existed between the two of you is gone, and your mate says “I’m not in love with you anymore,” or “I don’t feel the same way about you.” Maybe you’ve recently separated, are in the mists of a divorce, or are in a relationship crisis. This article describes how to reconnect with your partner, end the frustration and hurt of rejection, and the fear of losing your relationship, without asking your partner for one thing!

   1. 1

      Understand how this came to be. Even though it seems that the crisis appears suddenly, in many cases it does not. A relationship crisis usually builds slowly over time with one person caught completely off guard, and the other claiming that they are tired of trying and trying with no change. Many people are baffled when they find themselves in the midst of a relationship crisis, wondering what went wrong!
      
   2. 2

      Be wary of feeling like the victim and more attuned to changing your perception. More often than not this causes the person on the receiving end to feel victimized, and they conclude that their partner is to blame. Nothing in your relationship or your life will change until you are willing to change from the inside out!
      
   3. 3

      Banish the following niggling thoughts:
          * But, what about my husbands infidelity? That’s what caused our marriage or relationship crisis!
          * But, what about the way my partner tries to control everything I do?
          * But, what about the fact that my partner works so much and is never home?
          * But, what about the fact that my partner never spends any time with me?
          * But, what about my partners sarcasm, criticism and belittling demeanor?
          * But, what about the way my partner argues and fights with me?
          * But, my husband doesn’t listen to me!
   4. 4

      Avoid blaming. Is your partner wrong for doing any of the things in the banish thoughts list? Unequivocally yes, but placing all the blame on your partner isn’t going to get that person to change their behavior. In fact, it will only destroy your relationship focusing on the blame and fault-worthiness.
      
   5. 5

      Accept that none of the worries and distress will change until you do. There is an underlying reason for your partner’s behavior, and some of that may in fact rest with him or her. However, you won’t get your partner to change by telling them to do so, or by finding fault with what they do. What if someone said to you right now: “You are completely to blame for your relationship crisis and you need to change.” Did this person make you angry? Do you resent this person for what they said? Oh yes, we can all see the steam coming out of your ears! What makes you think for one minute that you’ll get a different reaction out of your partner? Well, you won’t!
           
   6. 6

      Understand that people resist change when they are being forced or manipulated to do so, but watch them change in a big hurry when it’s their idea! It’s all about change isn’t it? If you could only get your partner to spend more time with you, work less often, be more understanding, more romantic, less sarcastic, less critical, less verbally abusive, less controlling, or completely monogamous then you would have the perfect relationship! The question is how do you get someone to change who feels that they haven’t done anything wrong, or that their behavior is justified? You change the only side of the equation that you can. Yours! Ok, you’re probably saying: “Why should I change when it’s his or her fault, or how is changing my side of the equation going to make him or her change their behavior?” Well, there is no 100% guarantee that it will, but most of the time, changing your perception and not blaming will change both of you for the better.
      
   7. 7

      Ponder this question long and hard: If you don’t change from the inside out what will be different in your relationship or marriage?

How do I Know If My Marriage Can Be Saved?

Is My Marriage Over If My Spouse Cheated?

A marriage can not only be saved after an affair but it can actually get a lot better with some work.  I mean I don’t want to minimize how painful the betrayal and loss of trust caused by an affair can be. And it happens to a lot of marriages, in fact 50% of marriages are impacted by some sort of infidelity at some point in the marriage
How Do We Get Over an Affair?

If the couple decides to stay together and work on it, finding out why their relationship was vulnerable in the first place and then fixing it can actually lead to a stronger, happier marriage.  If you find you’re in this situation and you’re not sure what to do, we recommend following six steps to save your marriage.

We know from your questions that some of you are in this situation so we want to go over these steps with you.

   1. First, you need to understand that it’s about meeting each other’s emotional needs. Research shows that 95% of affairs are caused by one or both parties feeling as if they are not understood, appreciated and/or loved. It’s not actually about the sex. It’s about feeling connected, wanted and meeting core emotional needs. One or both members of the couple need to stop getting these needs met outside the marriage and instead rely on each other to meet them.
   2. Secondly, of course you have to stop the infidelity in order to move forward with the marriage. The partner that had the indiscretion must stop having anything to do with the person that they’re seeing outside the marriage. The type of contact that must stop includes face-to-face meetings, email, phone, Facebook, chat or anything else. You can only move forward in the marriage if the affair is totally in the past and stays there.
   3. Thirdly, Both members of the couple must accept some responsibility. This is a hard one for people, guys.  But, both members of the couple must recognize that they are both responsible for the state of their marriage. When the marriage has significant issues, it is vulnerable to an affair. Hey, pay attention, those of you who have not been impacted by an affair yet. Let me repeat, any marriage that has significant problems is vulnerable to an affair.  Accepting some of the responsibility is typically extremely difficult for the injured party to understand but is essential in order to move forward. One of you may have stepped over the line but because both of you were not connecting and meeting each other’s needs, the marriage was vulnerable.
   4. Fourth, give the injured party time to heal. The injured party will need time to recover from the hurt and lack of trust that the infidelity caused and the partner that engaged in the affair needs to be generous with the time it takes to recover. Trust must be earned back.
   5. Fifth, understand that your marriage will never be the same. But that’s a good thing because the state of the marriage caused this situation that led to the infidelity. You need to work together to create a new and better marriage and future. Like I said before, there are many marriages that end up much stronger after an affair because the couple knows how incredibly important it is to stay connected, supporting each other and strong together.
   6. And finally, learn relationship skills to build a new strong marriage. Being in a successful marriage is a learned skill that many of us never learned from the role models around us. I know I never got it from my parents.  The good news is that the skills that make a strong relationship can be learned and that’s exactly what we dedicate ourselves to at StrongMarriageNow.com.

Bottom line, if you’re in this situation, you have to ask, can both of you commit to these steps? If so, there is hope to save your marriage. And again guys, if you have kids, I hope that you can both find it in your hearts to do the work.

Posted by lawrence975 at 2:01 AM EST
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How to Stop Your Divorce
A marriage ending in divorce is a tragedy for everyone involved. If there’s one thing true about divorce, divorce is never easy and is always painful for all involved parties. Are you wondering if you’ll be able to put a stop to your divorce? I want to reassure you that you can–and not only that, you will save your marriage and restore its vigor and charm! Let me show you how..

1. Believe that you’ll be able to stop divorce. So many people brush this step off as unnecessary, but the truth is that it’s foundational to stopping your divorce. The hard truth is that if you don’t really believe in your heart that you can put a stop to your divorce and save your marriage, then it will be next to impossible to do so.

2. Explain to your spouse that you are committed to your marriage and that divorce is not an option! Tell your spouse that not only do you want to stop divorce or stop your divorce and save your marriage, but that you want to build him (or her) up and be an encouragement in their life. Also, don’t be afraid to admit past mistakes to your spouse — doing so will show them that you are serious about stopping your divorce.
3Affirm and encourage your spouse in actions and words daily. This is the most powerful step in the whole process, and I can guarantee that if you are consistent in this daily affirmation then your spouse will have no choice other than to love you back.

Resist the urge to be negative in the way you think about your marriage or your spouse. Negativity is all around us, so surround yourself with positive people.
Always be honest with your spouse, expressing your true feelings and desires. Don’t be afraid to tell your spouse that you want nothing more than to put a stop to your divorce and to save your marriage. Showing her this type of passion is contagious!
Prove to your spouse that you are

Posted by lawrence975 at 12:04 AM EST
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Thursday, 24 February 2011
Leading Marriage Assist Books - Picks That Can Assist Save Your Marriage

Do you really feel that your marriage is falling apart? Do you feel that you want some thing much more out of your marriage? Have you tried seeking some help but failed? Everyone desires a great marriage, one that would last for a lifetime. For most of the individuals, it's an important chapter in one's life.

There are different marriage help books that you can read on. These books can give you clear and concise facts and info. These guarantee you to attain that lengthy and lasting relationship. In the world you are in nowadays, divorce is rampant. Some people think that if they don't like their partner anymore, they get an instant divorce. Don't jump into that bandwagon. It won't do you any great. If you think your relationship with your loved 1 is on the rocks then do some thing about it. Read some marriage assist books.

Should Read # 1 The Five Love Languages

This is written by Gary Chapman. It's a Christian manuscript that could help you comprehend your husband more. In a way, it helps you reevaluate your actions towards him as well. It is much more of like a workbook. There are a number of questions that you need to answer initial. It may be lengthy for you to look but you do have to answer it honestly. The end component will tell you which adore language you prefer much more.

The author practically shows you what way you communicate with your loved 1. You could have the love language in a form of speech, touch, gifts, actions and time. As you realize your spouse's love language, it will be really easy for you to speak his language too.

Should Read # 2 Every Man's Marriage

It's not only the women that reads marriage help books. Men read it too. This is a great read. Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker together with Mike Yorkey came up with this one. It's a practical guide for men on discovering the desires of their wives. It also entails as to how to fulfill those desires. It's tough to comprehend females and their requirements. By reading this, you get to have a clear picture as to what ladies want.

Need to Read # 3 Generating Marriage Function

It might sound humorous but most individuals find this helpful. You can get it at an inexpensive cost. You get to discover methods on how to make your marriage much more romantic. It provides you details as to what issues you ought to by no means say to your spouse. What is much more is that you get to make your sex life much more exciting. There's humor injected from cover to cover. It's a counseling book that assists you communicate with your partner better.

These are just some good reads that can assist your marriage. Nonetheless, you do have to remember that it is your actions that greatly contribute to generating your relationship stronger. There's much more to saying "I do" in the wedding. It's a lifelong partnership with your loved 1. Don't settle for a divorce but mend it. Usually let really like be the first priority in your marriage.


Posted by lawrence975 at 2:26 AM EST
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Wednesday, 23 February 2011
Is Couples Counseling a Excellent Concept to Aid Your Marriage?

Is it a excellent thought for couples to go in for marriage counseling together? Arguments can be made for both sides. It's great to be able to air your grievances and hear what your spouse has to say in return nevertheless, having your considerable other there with you may possibly inhibit you from saying what you're really thinking and feeling. If you have an skilled marriage coach to assist you, although, you may discover that couples counseling is the very best thing that happened in your marriage because your honeymoon. It's all in knowing the correct way to communicate and talk about what's bothering every of you, and you can both end up feeling much better following a session.

A lot depends on what makes you feel the most comfy. Don't agree to couples counseling when you're so afraid of your spouse that you won't be willing to talk about any of your difficulties. Your coach can't assist you unless you fill him in on what the issues are, so if he asks you about what's bothering you and you tell him "nothing", he isn't going to know what problems require to be addressed. A lot of couples aren't great candidates for a group session like this, simply because they just don't get along well sufficient any much more. Although getting it all off of your chest can be therapeutic in some instances, there's truly small to be gained from sitting and screaming at each and every other just like you do at house.

A great marriage coach will moderate in a way that stops non-productive fights from taking location. You may believe that's impossible, but there's a reason this guy is an professional. Not only will he assist you control the fighting, but he'll give you methods you can use to manage your difficulties when he's not around. Obviously, if you could stop the fighting and screaming, the antagonism between the two of you will cool, too. The environment in your residence will be much more comfy for everybody who lives there. Absolutely nothing hurts youngsters any much more than their parents continuously becoming at each and every other's throats, so understanding to turn a negative situation to a positive can have a lot of impact on household life.

Is a marriage coach a guy with all the answers? No, there are some things that there are no answers to, and others that will work out much better if you figure out the answers yourselves, but a coach is a individual who can offer you with the guidance you need to turn your marriage around. If this is what you're both looking for, then this marriage counseling alternative can be just what you're searching for.


Posted by lawrence975 at 8:32 PM EST
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How to Save My Marriage From Divorce - Your Foundation is Cracking Far better Get That Chisel Out!

The rising rates of divorce from across the country only prove how difficult it can be to maintain a relationship and how simple it is to wonder aloud "How to save my marriage from divorce?" But one thing individuals virtually often forget is that there is a reason behind the relationship the two of you have built, in the first place. Nowadays, when divorce attorneys abound and kids know what alimony and custody means, what you should usually maintain in mind is that there is always hope for salvaging the bond built between you and your partner.

How to Save My Marriage from Divorce Step One: SLOOOOW DOWN

Nearly all individuals today are harried by time and the pressures of speeding up every thing the average individual does in his time. Every thing is completed by the clock, and now, it is not just food that has discovered "fast" affixed prior to it. Numerous relationships are also forgetting that when it comes to individuals and the unique bond of marriage, quick just need to not be discovered. It takes time to construct relationships precisely simply because it takes time to know a person, and only following really and truly realizing someone can you love the individual enough to begin a marriage with.

How to Save My Marriage from Divorce Step Two: Locate YOUR Factors

If you think that you have taken the slow and steady approach to creating a relationship, then you probably know a lot about the person you have fallen madly in adore with (at least just before). This is the key to discovering out how to rebuild the relationship, the key answer to your ultimate question of "How to save my marriage from divorce?" When a home finds itself riddled with cracks, the most likely reason behind it is a issue with foundations. This really applies to most marriages today. Find out what has happened to have altered and undermined the foundation where your marriage was built. Now, get back to the reason why, or talking with him about what he discovered so lovable in you so he can see that it is still there, and the both of you still have significantly to gain by maintaining the relationship.

How to Save My Marriage from Divorce Step Three: FORGOTTEN FOUNDATIONS

Most of the time, the problem with marriage is that 1 or the other has just forgotten why they have decided to begin the relationship in the initial location, and most can be remedied by studying this aspect. But occasionally, even the foundations can not help but require to be wholly rebuilt. Occasionally, it is also feasible that the points your spouse adored in you, or which you adore in your spouse, has changed. As individuals grow and as time occurs, we cannot assist but alter and develop new perspectives and scales of values to be applied in life. What was as soon as a desired trait in one of you may now be insignificant to the other. If so, work on building new and better foundations. Look and you will discover that your partner has not really grow to be totally undesirable, but that you merely have to look at the several other gorgeous traits that you can like about him.

How to Save My Marriage from Divorce Step Four: TAKE UP THE CHALLENGE


Posted by lawrence975 at 2:23 AM EST
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